England head to Euro 2021 as one of the favourites. Here’s how England should line up. Euro 2021 fans can book England Vs Czech Republic Tickets on our website on exclusively discounted prices.
Jordan Pickford (GK)
Pickford’s come in for some criticism lately, but no other goalkeeper in world football is turning up to a major international tournament. Pickford’s showing up to the first group game with a can of Carling in one gloved hand and a packet of Skittles in the other, raging at his own defenders before a ball’s even been kicked.
Kieran Trippier (RB)
Trippier’s father refused to take down a giant England flag that was in his front garden. Trippier Jr has gone over to Spain and has been tearing it up, learning a thing or 2 from extraordinaire Diego Costa. This is England now, sunshine. K-Trippz is back.
Harry Maguire (CB)
Harry Maguire’s goal in the World Cup against Sweden sure was memorable. Good times. Maguire is back and is now the world’s most expensive defender – that’s 1-0 already. His head is still really big – that’s 2-0. He now carries a reputation around with him for these reasons. That’s like 7-0 surely
Eric Dier (CB)
Ahead of Euro 2021, Southgate needs to go full Clockwork Orange on Dier, sit him down in front of a screen with his eyes taped wide open, and show him the last 10 minutes of 2016’s Battle of the Bridge between Chelsea and Tottenham.
Danny Rose (LB)
Unfortunately for Rose, all of England’s group games will be played in the south of the country. Euro 2021 fans can book England Euro Cup Tickets on our website on exclusively discounted prices.
Fabian Delph (CM)
Manchester City’s Amazon Prime documentary taught us, it’s that Delph was one of the surprising leaders in the dressing room at the club, a player fitting of Pep Guardiola’s ‘let’s foul the opposition in 2.6 seconds after we lose the ball’ tactics. The little bugger. Get him on the plane, in the XI, into history. Sir Fabian Delph.
Jonjo Shelvey (CM)
A Lord Voldemort doppelganger that had the balls to take on Sir Alex Ferguson and has since been known as much for his reckless tackling as his pinpoint passing. Ooh, yeah, what a combo. Jonjo you little dreamboat, come over here and put on that Three Lions shirt.
Dele Alli (CM)
Alli is generally deliberated one of the best fresh midfielders of his generation and has won PFA Young Player of the Year twice in a row while only. He is also considered an all-round player who can play effectively as a second striker for England squad in Euro 2021.
Jesse Lingard (AM)
The look on the face of opposition fans when they scroll down the England team sheet and see the name ‘Jesse Lingard’. The horror, the anguish, the ‘oh for…’ David Brent expression. Zero dribbles completed, 68% passing accuracy, one goal scored. Book it.
Jamie Vardy (ST)
Vardy’s international retirement is coming to an end with a return to the England starting lineup, scoring two goals, picking up a yellow card for time-wasting in the 23rd minute, and taunting the away fans until he has to go into the crowd and shout ‘say that to my face’ to a mouthy supporter. Job done.
Troy Deeney (ST)
Deeney stands up for a speech at a do celebrating England’s World Cup winners. He’s Brian Clough for some reason. Deeney will be spending two months’ wages constructing a pair of stunt double testicles akin to Will Ferrell’s in Step Brothers to make a demonstration about proper cojones at St. George’s Park, probably.
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